I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
