don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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