dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
