i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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