I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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