sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
