Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
