I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize