My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
