I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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