I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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