This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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