we have officially lost it.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize