booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
