I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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