I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
