We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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