I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
