I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
