i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
