You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
