honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
