no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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