just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I want a musical about memes.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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