it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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