For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
so much tequila, so little girl.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
