omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Blood and glitter go together right?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
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