ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize