At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
