you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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