it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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