I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
