Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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