and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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