just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
