apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize