Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
