So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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