Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
