You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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