I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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