you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
