Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
