that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
