Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You ever have a fart follow you around?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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