yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
