I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
