just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
