He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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