Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
