I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
