what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
