Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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