I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We need to get me chipped asap
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
