Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
