I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
