is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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