Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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