you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
