Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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