The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
