i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
