I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You've changed since you got that strap on
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
