if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
