Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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