I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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