Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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