Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's shark week go big or go home
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
