Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
