Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
