My underwear smells like fireworks.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
