The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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