There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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