kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it was like eating out sand paper
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
